I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
