I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
