Just cropdusted the office
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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