I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
please come you make the beer taste better
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
