I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
