And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
