I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
