He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
