the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
