I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
