Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
