my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Life is so much better after having sex.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
