Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
