I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
