tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
