Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
