Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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