I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
This toilet bowl is my home.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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