weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
