listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
