i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
