I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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