Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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