I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
