I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
