Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
