First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
