im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
