he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
