Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
