Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I need to sanitize my soul.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
