you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
