You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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