You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
