Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
