and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
