We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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