you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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