Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
