My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
