Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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