Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
