i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I am mentally ready for anal.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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