guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
