Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
