I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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