after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Sorry my hands just texted you
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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