There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
