you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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