Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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