So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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