My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
