So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
