There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
