I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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