I'm pants shitting drunk right now
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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