I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
